my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It's Friday. Sex?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
