Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
