Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
