I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
