She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
