Jerry, you need to find god
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Rumble strips road head = magical
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
