can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
