she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
