Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
