Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
