I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
