How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
