I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We left the knife in your bed.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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