How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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