I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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