I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
