he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
is wine microwaveable?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize