Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
