please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
