Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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