I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
