I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
