we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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