ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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