youre lurking in front of me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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