It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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