i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My bed smells like the plague
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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