First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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