Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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