We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
