I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
His nipple licking is glorious
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