Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
