Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
