im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
