He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize