My sheets look like a crime scene.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
