My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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