Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
