When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
