hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
