when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
a search helicopter?!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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