This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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