Can i not drive my cunt home
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We are all done wearing pants today
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
