It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
