dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
