Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize