I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
