woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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