1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
