happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
