Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I will be naked everywhere
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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