You're a womanizer and a bitch.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
