I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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