grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just cut my nipple shaving
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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