the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
