I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
