He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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