I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
