Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
