Four minutes until I can fart!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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