you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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