moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
