it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize