were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
