4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
