lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
