You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
