Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
