You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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