Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
