new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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