If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
