He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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