dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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