for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
