we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
