your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
two words: eviction party
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
