Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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