[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
