i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
