She said her name was "party"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
