I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize