I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
