Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
